Speedle's Secret part 2
by SpeedsGirl4eva
Summary: Its been 3 months since his secret came out
1. Return of an old friend

Hey it's me

I knew that I said I wasn't going to be adding any more entries to you since my secret came out... but hey it's a habit I just can't break. Well it's been 3 months since it all came out in the open…thanks to Alexx for encouraging me to tell H, and everything is going great. I no longer hear the voices or have the urge to self harm anymore….. I still have days where I feel low, but doesn't everyone…

I still have to see the Psychiatrist every week but that's what the agreement was to secure my future as a CSI , so I cant really complain…..and I still take my meds although the dosage has been reduced (a lot if I may add) so that's good..

Well diary speaking of psychiatrists I really should be leaving now other wise not only will I be late for my appointment I'll also be late for work and that wont go down very well.

Speak to you later….. Speed x


	2. Rumours

"Hey Timmy, how'd your appointment go today, did you manage to let go and explain your feelings baby? Alexx sad quietly in the corridor, "I'm kind of getting there, it's still a bit hard to talk about, I mean parts of my past still hurt, I bet you think I'm being stupid don't you? Tim replied, noticing the look that Alexx was now giving him..."What? What did I say to deserve THAT look? Alexx laughed before replying to his question.

No sooner had Speed left Alexx he heard his name being called again... This time when he turned round he realized that was Delko looking a bit worried."Hey Eric, What's up? Speed asked carefully, he'd never really seen his best friend look like that... "Where have you been Speed, I've been looking everywhere for you... I tried ringing but your cell was turned off." "That's because I've been with my psychiatrist for the past 2 hours…. I thought you knew that… SO are you going to tell me why you've been looking for me? Speed replied to his now even more worried looking friend. "Yeah well erm, how do I say this, there's been rumours going around that you are self harming again, I've tried to set the rumours straight but word seems to have spread and so The BIG BOSS has gotten involved… and they are here today looking for you….So now do you see why I'm worried? Before Speed could reply he heard a

mans voice, one he didn't recognise come bellowing down the corridor." Tim Speedle….I'm looking for Tim Speedle" "Erm, Sir... that would be Me" Speed told the man, of whom was now standing in front of him like a School Headmaster awaiting to tell some kid off. "Well Mr Speedle if you'd like to follow me, I have a few questions I'd like to ask you, I'm sure you are aware of what this matter is about" Speed nodded and followed the man down the corridor until they came to an empty interrogation room, the man opened the door and Speed entered.

After what seemed like a lifetime but in reality was only 30 seconds the man finally spoke. "So you see, Mr Speedle, I have reason to believe that you are still self harming, is this information correct? Speed couldn't answer instead he looked down a the floor and fidgeted with his hands, now he really did feel like HE was the little kid in front of the School Headmaster. "I'll ask you again" the man said sounding slightly agitated "Is this information correct or not? Speed finally looked up and replied." Not really Sir no, you see to put it bluntly I'm still under a psychiatrist or as you like to call them Occupational Health Specialist and I'm still taking my medication but other than that I feel fine" "That's not what I asked you, Mr Speedle and you know it's not" The man was getting extremely angry now and Speed could clearly see it, so he continued." Like I said, the rumours you have heard are exactly that, Rumours not pure truth…I hope THAT answers your question…now if you don't mind I have an important case I really should be getting on with" and with that Speed turned and left.


	3. Relapse

Hey me again (I really thought I'd stopped doing that)

Today's not been very good; in fact it's been crap.

It started ok, I managed to get to my appointment and to work on time, had a nice chat with Alexx regarding my session, then ran into a worried looking Delko who told me that The BIG Bosses had gotten involved due to some rumours going around that I'm self harming again… so I got pulled into a room and interrogated about it (surprisingly it was an empty interrogation room) any way I couldn't answer at first… then told HIM that it was just a rumour and that I was fine….. Who am I kidding in 3 months I've had 2 relapses… (Of which No One but you knows about, well for now anyway) Basically what I'm trying to say is that I need to Inform Horatio about my relapses before THEY do….. (Boy that isn't going to be easy…..considering the trouble I had before)

Well I really must go…I have to somehow cover up my latest relapse before work tomorrow just incase HE is hanging around again hoping to catch me out……Wish M e Look

Speed xx


	4. Opening Up

It was 07.30 and Speedle was already waiting outside Horatio's door…he had knocked twice and was now awaiting an answer…. What seemed like an eternity went passed when finally he heard his boss's familiar voice telling him it was ok to enter.

Once inside he paused before taking a seat in front of his boss's desk, once seated he once again began had already noticed that his co worker and friend was being troubled by something and he was 95% certain that he knew what it was that was troubling Speed.

"Tim, I know that something is troubling you and unless you inform me as to what that is then I really can't help you" Horatio said hoping that he could once again get through to Tim. It seemed to have worked…."Erm, I'm not really sure where to start…. But I'll try, here goes… I don't know if you have heard the rumours going around that I'm Self Harming again... Well The BIG BOSS has gotten involved and well had me in for questioning about it yesterday… I told them that I was fine... but in reality H I'm not….. you see I've relapsed on more than one occasion… and I know you are wondering how I managed to get away with it… well I thought that after all my experience in hiding the fresh cuts and scars that I could do it again… and I did until the rumours started and then the doubting set in again.." Tim fell silent and waited to see what Horatio said.

He didn't have to wait long, "Leave it with me Tim, I'll sort it out ok" his boss replied. Tim was silently shocked as he had expected a bit more than that… Horatio didn't even give him an I'm disappointed look, now all he had to do was wait.


	5. Hidden Worries

Things are getting better…. (I hoped they would)

Today I bit the bullet (bad reference since the shooting at the jewellery store last year)

Any way as I was saying before I interrupted my self…. I went and spoke to Horatio today regarding the rumours going around and the interrogation I received... oh and I Mentioned my habit of relapsing… and all he said was Leave it with me I'll sort it Ok" and that was it… in a way now I'm worried… does it mean I'll sort it and it'll all get cleared up.. Maybe a few more psych appointments or does he mean I'll sort it… I think you should Leave…. Oh God what the hell have I done……

I'd better go… Alexx and the rest of the gang are outside… I don't really want to leave them out there too long as it's hammering it down and Calliegh will literally kill me if her hair goes frizzy (although she looks kind of cute when that happens)

Speed x


	6. Answers

"Excuse me, Mr Speedle would you kindly come with me please" asked the BIG Boss, "Sure" came Speedle's shaky reply. Speedle followed the man down the hall for what appeared to be the second time this week, Speed smirked to himself. Once again they arrived at what seemed to be an empty interrogation room, except upon entering Speed noticed that it wasn't empty, Horatio was already there standing by the window. (Oh Crap, this is it) Speed thought to himself as he waited instructions to be seated. "Mr Morgan, Mr Speedle please take a seat" instructed Horatio. "Mr Morgan, I have reason to believe that you are taking a great interest in my employee Tim Speedle, may I ask why that is? "Certainly Lieutenant Caine, you see I have had some information regarding Mr Speedle and an issue on Self Mutilation and was hoping to find out the truth in this enquiry, is there anything either of you would care to inform me of?

Speed glanced over at his boss, before turning his attention back to his hands; Mr Morgan picked up on Speed's actions and uses it as an opportunity to get some answers.

"So Mr Speedle are you going to enlighten m on this delicate matter" Morgan said as he walked round to where Speed was sitting, oblivious to that fact that Horatio was still present and watching closely." Well, I'm waiting" he said again getting annoyed, Speed looked over at Horatio and nodded, he then turned to Morgan "Yeah ok Its true, I have a history of self harm, about 20 something years if you really MUST know, It was MY secret, until my friends, that's right MY FRIENDS here helped me to over come it….. and speak out about it…. 3 months ago I made an agreement both verbally and in writing that I would agree to take leave and see an Occupational Health Specialist in other words a Psychiatrist.. Which I have been, Oh and you can check that. In answer to your earlier question, I'd like to state that what I m about to tell you, I have already confided in Lieutenant Caine so I may as well tell you" Speed paused before continuing… "In the last 3 months since my secret came out, I have had a total of 3 no sorry 4 relapses, 2 of which did need medical treatment, but and before you comment any further…I AM 100% capable of doing my job and THAT you can also get confirmed if you so wish" Morgan looked a little bewildered at Speeds confessional outburst, he paused for a moment taking in the looks he was now receiving form both Horatio and Speedle..After a few minutes he continued to speak "Thank you for clearing that matter up for me Mr Speedle, I can give you my honest word that this matter will go NO further providing I have your consent to check out the facts and figures you have just given me. If that's ok by you then I will gather the needed information i.e. name and number of psychiatrist involved and a permission slip of which needs to be signed by yourself ad counter signed by Lieutenant Caine and I'll be on my way" "Do I have your full Consent? "Well, Mr Speedle... Do I have your Full consent?" After receiving a nod of conformation from Horatio Speed answered "Yes, you have my consent providing this goes No further" Mr Morgan nodded, turned around and left.

Horatio looked at Speed and smiled, Tim smiled back ad headed to the door, just before he was able to leave Horatio said "Tim I told you I'd sort it didn't I? "Yes, Yes you did" Tim replied, and then he left.


End file.
